The One I Can't Forsake Pt.2

By Ry'Shawn W

I have returned to complete this chapter in my life, a chapter that has unfolded over a considerable period of time, filled with twists and turns that have shaped my understanding of relationships. Reflecting on the past, I have come to the realization that what I once perceived as a strong friendship was, in truth, built upon a foundation of fleeting desires and unfulfilled expectations. It was a gradual realization, as I found myself inexorably drawn towards a moment of passion that seemed to shimmer on the horizon.

So I started thinking to myself, maybe the friendship was built on lust and somewhere between the first disconnection and now, she changed her motives and actually wanted to be friends. Maybe she does want to proceed with the act but is not willing to make the sacrifices of not being friends anymore. Maybe she wants a relationship and can’t because she’s in one now, but that doesn’t make sense because she never once showed her feelings to me, and the first reason sounds better. Whatever the case may be, she has yet to let the real reasons be known, and I could chase the real reason, but I don’t have time to. (The old me would have figured it out, but maybe I’m losing my touch).

I don’t know why I held onto this “Friendship” as long as I did, but I think it’s time to let go. We never even met in person, and it’s been a 3-year “friendship”. That says everything it needs to when I tried to meet up with her, she made outlandish excuses, so I just tried. She told me later on that she was nervous to actually link in person, but after a year and some change, that excuse didn’t work, even if it was the case. Maybe because I wanted things to be different. Maybe I was just stuck living in the past where I got attached and there shouldn’t have been any strings attached. I don’t know why and can’t figure it out, and she’s no help, so I must do what I must do.

I know I once said I couldn't forsake her, but I was lying to myself because when it comes down to me as a man and my responsibility, purpose, and future, I will forsake anyone and never look back. Too bad it has to be her. From now on, I’ll tell myself if she wanted to stay friends or whatever, she would’ve tried hard no matter what her problem is. I’ll tell myself it’s her fault I must forsake her, and that alone will help me forgive and forget.