The One I Can’t Forsake

By Ry'Shawn W

Before this experience, I had knowledge of three distinct types of soul connections: a soulmate, a twin flame, and a karmic connection. Prior to this instance, I had not observed a karmic connection manifesting between two souls until now.

This woman caught my attention with her boldness when she messaged me about a photo I posted on Snapchat, which is uncommon among most women in my generation. Although her slow responses, sometimes taking up to 3 days, were typically a warning sign, I overlooked it due to her boldness and attractiveness. Gradually, she began responding faster, just enough to maintain my interest. Despite the fact that she now takes a day to reply, I was content with the situation. I wasn't actively seeking a relationship with her as she attended a different high school, and I had other prospects in mind at my own school. However, the possibility of a relationship with her remained open due to her undeniable attractiveness.

A week and a half went by, and we started talking more. I figured out that she really wanted something lustful, and I knew that only meant one thing. I wasn’t ready for it, so I just played along. However, playing along only got me so far with her. Then, a week after we first encountered each other, she asked me a very lascivious question, “Do you eat pussy?” I knew there was no way I could be in a relationship with a woman who could utter such words without even knowing me, even if I wanted a relationship. So I played along with her, and we began talking sexually to each other and things of that nature. Communication peaked at its all-time high, and we began talking almost every day and FaceTiming every other day. Then we started staying on the phone with each other for hours, and at this point, I was talking to her more than my actual closest friends, so she became kind of like a best friend during this time.

A month after she asked that wild question, while listening to her talk, I felt she just wanted a genuine friend. So I did what I always did when it came to women who I could have sex with, which was to ignore any feelings and any sexual desires towards them and be a supportive friend. Unfortunately, I caught feelings anyway because even though she was hard to communicate with, I somehow found a way to get through to her and understand her ways. A lot was wrong with her, but nevertheless, her ways never stopped me from trying to continue to communicate with her.

A couple of months went by, and I eventually told her how I felt towards her. I could tell the feelings weren’t mutual, so initially, I backed off a little. However, she was still like the only friend I had to talk to on a daily basis, and the string had wrapped around me like a fly caught in a spider web. After I had confessed my feelings towards her, and she shut them down, the way she did it wasn’t the worst rejection I’ve received, but it was still an intense way to go out. After that, I said I would never show her any emotions ever again, but ultimately, this was a lie, as you will soon see.

She got into a relationship, and I told her I would stop talking to her. She said I didn’t have to, but I insisted because I knew it should have been me. With all the things we had going on, I didn’t want to continue that while she was in a relationship, so we stopped talking until her relationship ended. After her relationship ended, we both agreed that we didn’t want to restart the old connection we had with each other.

Ever since that fateful night, our communication has been sporadic over the past year, leaving me pondering what could have been. I’ve been trying day in and day out to get back to where we left off, but it’s been a steep hill. Since she got back into another relationship, I don’t think we’ll ever get back to the point I imagined, and I kind of don’t want to try, even though I enjoy talking to her. Maybe that’s for the better. Maybe I can move on from this friendship that was built off of lust and me being in a vulnerable state. But no matter how hard I try to forsake her, I find it impossible unless specific conditions are met. I'm hesitant to let go completely, but see it as a chance to move on from a fleeting connection. Even as I try to move forward, she remains in my thoughts. Memories reignite the desire to reconnect. Some bonds are hard to break, reminding me of our past emotions.

Honestly, if she wants to continue being friends, I’m fine with that. If not, then I guess I’ll be able to forsake the unforsaken woman.

Navigating the complexities of relationships can be a challenging and emotional journey. The uncertainty of whether a friendship will continue or not can weigh heavily on one's mind. It's natural to feel a mix of emotions when faced with the possibility of a shift in a relationship dynamic. The willingness to adapt and accept whatever outcome may arise demonstrates a sense of maturity and understanding.